The Man Within
The man within is co-conspirator,ghost writing his existences novella.The minds metropolis or hearts favela -how can he choose? Its never either or.A secret voice, the tribal story-teller,can see...
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The most intriguing feature of this sonnet is the rhyme pairs, very clever.The first Q tickles the poet in me. It sets up the question of intellect vs. emotion as the legitimate narrator of his life's...
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I cannot read this for the funny apostrophes , which looks like a square ,and make the poem look untidy. Not only in your poem Alan, but some others .I wonder of there's any remedy. I am not going to...
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Hi Franny, you've spotted the bits that still need work, I think I will revert to the first draft in L11 which read something like, "They cannot talk it through" - this removes the confusion about who...
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Alan...I llike the way so many of your poems seem to be little snapshots of life. They make me want to know what went on before and after. A wonderful air of mystery lurks within.My impressions from...
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Hi Sue,thanks for your kind comments. I do think your reading of the poem is as valid as any other, As you say it sets up mysterious relationships rather than telling a story. A bit like Mulholland...
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Ditto franny's applause on the excellent rhyme pairs (is this a Spenserian?), and ditto Aggiel's scolding re: apostrophes. Honestly, Alan, as talented a poet as you are, you're incorrigible when it...
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Oh Rose thou art right....I do have a tendency for eccentric punctuation. I've tried to regularise it.I'm glad you enjoyed this despite some lack of clarity about who is doing what to whom.I guess the...
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amazing what a touch and tweak can do to a well wrought sonnet, nicely done Alan. To witness the transformations that occur in serious workshopping is a bit like witnessing a birthing,wondrous. Thanks...
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Hi again Alan,Now that you've explained the scenario, it all makes perfect sense. I think what threw me originally was the ex-wife. I see now that he's writing to her because he's realized he's messed...
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Nicely done, Alan. The conspirator/or pairing is doubly weak, though, in the shadow of those awesome others already mentioned.Is the hyphenation of sangfroid a Euro-pean thing? And why single quotes...
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Hi Mary,Eagle-eyed as ever.L11 - I've hovered between comma and semicolon. Technically it should be a semi-colon, so it is!The Oxford Concise has sang-froid hyphenated - so I guess that is standard...
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Alan,Without much in the way of technical nits to pick, I stepped back to look at the whole. Never been much of a Graham Greene fan, and maybe it's an acquired taste, but the tone in this one strikes...
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Hi Thomas,Well, not everyone is going to like stuff, and this one does not work for you.I don't think this 'Dashell Hammett' territory though. This was not an attempt at satire, I was deadly...
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Hi, Alan. Just wanted you to know I didn't think of this as satire -- the problem is mine, not your poem's. Not having much exposure to Greene, I can't get past the baggage of the one-dimensional...
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Alan,I didn't think of the spy or detective genres when I read this. What it made me think of was the old chestnut about the artist's work always being more important to him than relationships. I saw...
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Hi Maz,funnily enough the episode of Sex in the City which you mention is the only one I've ever seen. You are right, this is really about the writer's double life and the effect of an imagined world...
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I think the sonnet could use a little mystery about who says"Why can't . . ." I think this sonnet clicks better than the other one. I have never read either of the Greene books, and have only a foggy...
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